Different types of trauma — who needs therapy and who doesn’t.
I will often find myself in a conversation with a friend, stranger or even a family member claiming that they don’t think they “need” therapy. My interest is often piqued at the word “need”. With this theory, which are the people who need therapy and which are those who do not? Therapy is a place for self-discovery, growth, processing and self-awareness. I often humour this statement and respond with “who is it that needs therapy?”. This question will often stump my debater. Their initial response is usually “those who experienced trauma”, which again, piques my interest. What is trauma, and how do people define it? Oxford dictionary defines trauma as “a deeply distressing or disturbing experience”. This definition insinuates that trauma is more common than you think; and, as a Registered Psychotherapist, my clinical training leads me to echo this statement and highlight that everyone has experienced trauma at some point in their lives.
There are two types of trauma: Little t trauma, and Big T trauma. Big T trauma are experiences that are more commonly recognized as trauma (i.e., war, experiencing/witnessing violence, living through a natural disaster, life-threatening events, witnessing a death or sexual violence). Little t trauma is not as commonly recognized as trauma. It includes examples such as bullying, experiencing the death of a pet, emotional abuse, infidelity, loss of a job, loss of a significant relationship, non-life-threatening injuries, and many more.
Both Little t and Big T trauma are incredibly impactful on humans and each experience shapes us, in some way. After explaining this concept, I will often get a push back with something said along the lines of “well, my Little t trauma did not affect me that much. I’m okay”. This leads me to state my next point of argument: you do not have to be “not okay” to go to therapy. Therapy can be a place for you to discover what you don’t know about yourself.
I once had a friend vent to me about how she is only respected at work when she “acts like a bitch”. Again, my interest is piqued. What does a bitch look like? What experiences led her to believe that demanding respect equates to being a bitch? Initially, our focal point of the conversation was her work-related stress; however, this passive comment had layers buried underneath it. As we continued to explore this, she concluded that this thought was rooted in her upbringing. She explained that she grew up within an Eastern culture and within her household, boundaries were seen as disrespectful. This led her to experience feelings of guilt, shame and difficulty whenever she’d establish boundaries. She claimed she felt she was upsetting others, and disrespecting them — or, acting like a bitch. We went on to discuss how she never felt safe to communicate her needs. She labelled it as dealing with emotionally immature parents, to which I labelled it as Little t trauma.
This is exactly what therapy does. Through conversation, you uncover patterns and beliefs you never even considered, and once you see them, you can start making real changes. After all, we don’t know what we don’t know.