Explaining popular psychology terms
While I love social media and recognize all its benefits, I also acknowledge that it is a place of confusion, inconsistency and tons of misinformation. I wanted to post a blog about popular psychology terms, often romanticized, misused or misunderstood.
I will start with the most popular one: gaslight.
Gaslight
To be gaslit means that you are being manipulated into questioning your sanity and sense of reality. Here are a few examples within different contexts:
Your boss offering you a raise, but later denies ever saying it, making you doubt your recollection and feel like you misheard.
You clearly remember your friend canceling plans, but when you bring it up, they say, “I never said that. You must be confused.” This makes you question your memory.
You catch your partner deleting messages, but when you ask about it, they say, “You’re imagining things. That never happened.”
A child tells their parent that a comment hurt their feelings, but instead of acknowledging it, the parent says, “Oh, stop being so sensitive. That never even happened.” making the child doubt their own emotions and memory.
Collectively, these examples highlight the invalidation, shift-blaming, manipulation and use of guilt and shame from the gaslighter to the individual being gaslit. These experiences often distort one’s reality, making you question whether your concerns are valid and over time, gaslighting can lead to self-doubt, confusion and emotional dependence on the gaslighter.
Trauma bonding
Trauma bonding is often described as two people bonding over similar traumatic experiences, but this is not an accurate definition of the term. Trauma bonding is when someone develops an emotional attachment to their abuser or someone who caused them trauma. If you have ever seen or heard of Beauty and the Beast, you have been exposed to trauma bonding. Bella is held captive by the Beast and ultimately falls in love with him, developing a deep emotional attachment to her abuser/captor. If we were to get technical, the type of trauma bond within this movie is named Stockholm syndrome. This is a specific type of trauma bond in which a hostage develops an emotional attachment to their captor. Stockholm syndrome is specific to hostage/captor situations, and still counts as a trauma bond.
Boundaries
This one is so important, yet often so misused! Say you and your friend are arguing and your friend calls you an inappropriate name. A lot of people may think that establishing a boundary in this moment would sound like this, “do not call me inappropriate names”. But, this is not entirely correct. A boundary would sound like this, “if you call me inappropriate names, I will walk away from this conversation”. A subtle, yet important differentiation. Establishing a boundary means outlining your limit, and your rule.
OCD (Obsessive Compulsive Disorder)
Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) is a mental health condition characterized by both recurrent, intrusive thoughts (obsessions) that cause significant anxiety, and repetitive behaviors or mental acts (compulsions) that someone feels driven to perform to reduce that anxiety.
I will often hear people say “I am so OCD, I love a clean space.” While those with OCD may exhibit hypercleanliness, it does not mean that anyone who also exhibits this has OCD.
An example of someone with OCD may look like someone having persistent thoughts (obsessions) that their hands are dirty. They may become overwhelmed with anxiety and fearful of spreading their germs to others. As a result, they may engage in constant hand-washing, for up to 20 times in a row despite knowing that their hands are already clean (compulsion).
Another example may include someone who has persistent thoughts (obsessions) that someone will break into their home. As a result, they may consistently check their front door, even though they know it’s locked.
Having OCD is time-consuming, and the anxiety only fades once the compulsion is completed. But, this only temporarily relieves the anxiety of the obsession.